Damn It, I’m a Grown Ass Woman Daddy!
Paige – Chapter Five
This is just freakin’ great. Leave it up to Rhonda to drop the Sheriff bomb before I even get in the door. I had planned to take Cody home and do all kinds of unspeakable things to him tonight. This couldn’t have happened at a worse time. I just barely got my hands on him and he already looks like he wants to skip town. I’ll have to think of a way to get him to take me home because he is not going to do it by the way he’s looking at me right now.
Holding his hand, I’m pulling him back to my booth, so we can have a quiet conversation over dinner. It’s like I have a guardian angel that has the specific job of warding off hot guys who want to have fun. Oh, for Pete’s sake! Why does this keep happening? Rhonda gives me a questioning look over her shoulder. I just give her the “wait until I get you alone to ask” look.
I’m going to play it cool like everyone’s father is the town’s sheriff, no big deal, he’s just like any other Dad. Yeah if your Dad investigates the guys you’re dating, does a background check, and sits there cleaning his service pistol when they come to the house to pick you up.
Rhonda hands us our menus and stands just out of Cody’s line of sight. She mouths to me, “Oh My God, he’s hot!” I mouth back to her, “I know, right.” Rhonda starts to fan herself with her hand and just as Cody looks up at her, she immediately switches to swatting an imaginary fly in front of her face. And just for the full effect, she uses her order pad to smack the table. “Whew, them flies are awful this time of year!” Nice save Rhonda.
Cody raises his right eyebrow with a did that just happen look and chuckles to himself probably thinking she’s crazy. Rhonda regains her composure, “I’d tell you’all today’s specials, but we don’t have any. The only thing special about our menu today is Betty is cookin’ instead of Pete, so everybody’s a winner!” Rhonda is in rare form today. “You guys take your time lookin’ at the menu and I’ll go get your drinks, what y’all have?” “I’ll have a coke, Cody?” I look over and he seems to be a little more relaxed, “Yes ma’am, I do believe I will have a coke as well, thanks.”
Rhonda gives me one more look, raising both eyebrows up and down and jerks her head quickly toward the kitchen for me to follow. “Hey Cody, I’ll be right back, I need to visit the ladies room.” He nods at me and I quickly walk towards the back of Betty’s looking for Rhonda. Suddenly, out of nowhere, my right arm gets jerked and I’m pulled into the server area outside the kitchen. “Girl, you were not kidding when you said he had a behind that needs a spankin’! Good Lord he’s gorgeous! Are you sure you’re woman enough to handle all that? You know I’m always willing to help a sister out.”
I’m shaking my head, “Rhonda, I told you on the phone, go find your own hot guy. Besides we’ve bonded over me nearly passing out after I jumped him like a cat in heat.” Rhonda raises a questioning eyebrow, “Do tell, now that sounds like a story we will need to savor over a bottle of sweet red sitting on my back patio.
Listen, you better get back out there before Mary gets a good look at him. You know she is shameless when it comes to guys.” Mary, Rhonda’s thirty-eight-year-old cousin who is a serial dater and on divorce number three. “Ugh Mary, she’s awful, you’re right I’d better get back out there before she see’s him sitting by himself and thinks he’s fair game. Wish me luck!” “Girl come here.” Rhonda looks me over and unbuttons another button on my shirt, tucks in this and pushes up that. Satisfied with her handy work, she flips me around in the direction of my table and pushes me back toward Cody.
What can I say about Rhonda… she’s the sister I never had and my partner in crime since birth. Her family lived next door to us and we were always getting into trouble. I remember one time when we were five we decided that we wanted these cute shag haircuts. Hey, don’t judge the shag haircut. All the cool kids were getting them.
Anyway, our Moms were like, “No that would look ridiculous on you guys. Don’t you love your long hair?” Rhonda and I came up with a master plan and decided that come hell or high water we were getting those shags. While our neighbor Becky babysat us one Saturday, we carefully snuck into my Dad’s barber kit and got his scissors. Becky would be none the wiser as she was in a deep discussion with her best friend on the finer aspects of making out under the football bleachers.
Even at five I knew what my Dad did for a living. So, I figured that if we got rid of the evidence, there wouldn’t be anything they could pin on us. You know when you’re five the ridiculous ideas you have seem incredibly intelligent. We cut each other’s hair into a five-year old’s version of a shag and hid the hair under my Mom and Dad’s bed. It was perfect, Mom would never find it under there and she would be sleeping right on top of it. We thought we were evil geniuses and would get away scott-free.
Our plan, although well thought out, was not executed well. Mom came home, took one look at Rhonda and I, screamed, and reprimanded Becky. Rhonda and I were dumbfounded, was Mom a modern-day Sherlock Holmes? We had been so careful to hide the evidence. How did she know?
The best part, we have a full color memory in the form of our class picture that was taken the following Monday. Rhonda and I have big ole smiles plastered on our faces and both our mothers were horrified with our haircuts. I love that picture!
I’m making my way to the table from the back and I see Mary has targeted Cody with a look of lust and determination. I quickly walk back over to the booth and slide in almost knocking the wind out of myself hitting my stomach on the table’s edge. Cody is laughing at me and giving me that crazy Rhonda look. “So, what’s the rush Darlin? Looks like you had a bit of a hot landing. Are you ok?”
I was hot all right and not about to let Mary anywhere near Cody. I catch her look of disgust over thwarting her cougar attack. Smiling, “Oh hey Mary I didn’t see you there, how’s it going?” “Sugar are you trying to keep me from introducing myself to the finest thing that has entered this place since 2010?”
Mary comes up and leans over the table to give Cody a real good look at her cleavage. I am going to smack a bitch. Is he really talking to her rack? Really? “Ma’am, name’s Cody, I’m just passing through town. Paige here has agreed to show me back to civilization after I treat her to a lovely meal at your fine establishment tonight.” I cringe as Mary leans in even closer, oh my God unbelievable!
Rhonda steps up just then, “Mary they need you over at table ten pronto, Brody is complaining that his grits are cold. Why don’t you and the girls go over there and warm him, I mean warm his grits up. Now go on now shew, Paige doesn’t need your help.” Rhonda sweeps her hands toward table ten.
“So, Cody is it? How’d you end up in our little town?” “Well ma’am, I was taking the scenic route off I-70 and ended up lost with no phone signal or point of reference on my map. Thank God I happened upon Paige’s station or I would have run out of gas. She filled up my gas tank and offered to lead me back out to the main road.” Here we go, Matlock has begun the questioning of her witness. She raises her right eyebrow and goes in for a deeper dive. “Where is it you said you’all was from, Kansas City, St. Louis, or was it Springfield?”
Cody is smiling that sexy grin and his eyes are all crinkled at the corners, “Well, Rhonda is it? I didn’t say where I was from. Right now I’m from nowhere and everywhere.” Fifth-teen love Cody. “I detect a southern accent, maybe Tennessee or Texas?” Volley Rhonda, fifth-teen all. “Well ma’am I do like my food deep fried.” Thirty Fifth-teen Cody.
“So, if I was a guessing woman, I would say you drove up on a Harley Davidson by the sound of it, your boots tell me you were in the military but not for a few months because of the length of your hair, and by the way you’re keeping track of all the exits and everyone in the restaurant, I would guess special forces. How am I doing so far?” Thirty all.
“Rhonda, please take our order, I’d like to eat at some point tonight.” Embarrassed by Rhonda’s third-degree, I shutdown her cross examination. “Paige, how am I supposed to get to know my customers if I don’t chat’em up a bit? You don’t mind, do ya Cody?” “No ma’am, I suspect there will be more “chatting’ up” coming my way.”
“Rhonda, why don’t you give us a few minutes alone to look at the menu.” “Sure Paige, no worries, I’ll be back in five.” Rhonda lifts her right hand and points her index and middle finger at her eyes and then back at Cody mouthing, I’m watching you before she walks away.
Cody is smiling and chuckling to himself. “So, does Rhonda interrogate all of her customers or did I catch her on a good day?” “I’m so sorry Cody, Rhonda is my best friend and she can’t help herself. I don’t go on many dates and especially not with a stranger I just met.” “That’s understandable, if your best friend doesn’t have your six, who else will?”
Paige starts to speak, pauses, then just blurts out, “So was Nancy Drew even close on any of that?” Cody looks down at his hands and expels a heavy sigh, “Well to be honest, she was pretty damn close. Are you sure she’s not using this waitress gig as a cover for her real job with the CIA? Her observation skills are impressive.”
Just as I was about to get confirmation on Rhonda’s ramblings, who other than Dad walks in, still in uniform. He’s scanning the restaurant obviously looking for me. Oh, for Pete’s sake! Here he comes. Brace for impact. “Uh Cody, not to alarm you but my Dad is coming this way.” “You mean your Dad, the Sheriff?” “Yep, that’s the one.” Dad makes eye contact with me and is now making his way over to our table. I’m trying to keep from hyperventilating again, but the nervous laughter is just under the surface of my big smile, “Daddy, what are you doing here?”
“Hey Peanut, I could ask you the same question, aren’t you supposed to be open till 9 tonight at the station? I got a call from Mary said I’d best get down here before you took some cagey lookin’ fellow home with you.” Mary is going down.
Cody stands up, “Sir, name’s Cody Dalton a.k.a. cagey lookin’ fellow. I was just buying your daughter here a meal for her generosity. I can assure you my intentions are honorable.” Cody sticks out his right hand for him to shake and Dad just looks at it. Dad reaches up and slowly takes off his mirrored Ray-Bans and slips them into his pocket. He’s giving Cody a stern look and I swear if he sits down and starts wiping down his service pistol I’m going to lose it.
“Name’s Bob McGregor son.” He points to Cody’s seat and gestures for him to sit down. “Why don’t we have a little chat… Cody is it? Peanut, why don’t you go find Rhonda and get me a cup of coffee and a piece of Betty’s cherry pie?” I can feel my face and neck slowly turning beet red from embarrassment and frustration.
I’m just standing there blinking and opening and closing my mouth like a fish out of water. I’m a grown ass woman and I just got told to shut up and let the men talk. Oh, hell no, this is not happening today! I regain my bearings, “Daddy, I really don’t think you have time to stay. Don’t you have crimes to solve and criminals to catch?”
“Now Peanut, go on now and get me that pie before I book you with obstruction.” Just then I’m looking at Cody and a quite calm comes over me. His sexy lopsided smile is giving me those damn butterflies in my stomach and his crinkled smiling eyes are letting me know he’ll be just fine. “It’s ok Paige. Sir, it would be my pleasure to chat with you.” “Son, the pleasure is all mine.”
